Go west Grasshopper and help people in overweight predicaments
by Sloane DeVaney
I watch too much television. Kung Fu reruns were on early Sunday evening and I was glued to it. Television advertising is ridiculous if you have yet to notice. I disbelieve the actors who say they are MDs acting on weight loss commercials. Am I supposed to believe they are medical doctors? Maybe MDs are initials for “Many Dopes?” The ads show the before and after photos. We see the poor slob who gets no attention and then she takes the magic skinny pill and WOW, she gets attention and other women are jealous. Then there are skin care products and lush cosmetic advertisements. What are they telling us? What about Bow Flex commercials? Have you seen them? One ad is at least seven years old. What is the message it is sharing? The advertisements are overtly saying, “Get fit, lose weight, look beautiful and you will have more sex.”
Mike McOwemkimmon, “beach pro-volleyball player,” appears on the television screen. He tells us he is 41 years-of-age and he is in the best shape of his life. He says, “Competing with 20-year-olds is tough but NOW thanks to Bow Flex I can still compete!” We see Mike greet three other people. They are two young women and a young man and whether they are also pro-players it is irrelevant. The foursome pair off and play a hit back and forth for what looks like a competitive game. Through the game, Mike tells us that his weightlifting machine has helped him pack on 21 more pounds of solid muscle. We get to see close-up stills of his six-pack abs, his legs of steel and his arms of six-steel packs.
The funny parts are the glimpses of the volleyball game Mike is “playing” with the three other players. Mike is paired off with a pretty woman who is dark haired and wearing probably what would be appropriate volleyball women sportswear. We don’t get any close-ups of her and she reveals no cleavage because we are not supposed to look at her.
The other team has the younger man and woman. He is of course buff too but unable to block Mike’s power spikes. Mike celebrates with bad sportsmanship after each point. The other young women is blonde and buxom and wearing a bikini and a big smile for Mike! We get plenty of close-ups of her. In between clips of the volleyball game Mike tells us how wonderful Bow Flex is for him. The blonde woman flirts with him. Is she the other man’s girlfriend? Is the dark haired woman Mike’s sister/friend/grown niece? We never learn the relationships of the four players, but that doesn’t really matter. Bow Flex will get you into shape and let you play beach volleyball “gooder” than younger people. Right? Well, no.
Near the end of the commercial we see Mike and his dark haired woman team-mate. They are off strolling on the beach after the hard played game. Who should come join them in a slow motion jog but the bikini clad buxom blonde and she is by herself. The other man must have left in defeated shame. We get the idea that a she-cat fight is about to break out and thank goodness Mike is wire-taunt strong to prevent it! Or will he? His attention has all ready turned to the blonde. We, the assumed flabby viewer, get another plug from Mike off screen how great the product is and “you should really really really buy it.” In the next beach scene, after the women have fought over Mike, the sun is setting. Mike is frolicking in the surf with the blonde woman. What happened to the dark-haired woman? She must have been drowned in the ocean. So please tell me what is this TV ad really trying to tell us? What I think it tells me, is that if I buy Bow Flex in my 40s I can steal a buxom blonde woman from a younger man because she will prefer me sexually over him and knock the lesser attractive woman out of my life. And back on Kung Fu David Carradine saved the day with slow motion karate. Hiiiiii yaaa!
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